THE FIRST TWO YEARS

Before Ayana was born I had this idea about what life would soon be like.  We would spend quiet mornings at home, she would play happily on the floor beside me, I would spend my days writing and working on my online vintage store.  In the afternoons we would meet friends for coffee and go for long walks on the beach.  The house would be tidy and a home cooked dinner would be on the table every evening.  Of course nothing could have been further from the truth and boy did it leave me in a state of shock.  As much as I loved the girl more than life itself she was what they call 'high need', and looking back now I realise I was (according to Nic probably still am)  also an extremely high need mother.  She clung to me as much as I clung to her, we co-slept but neither of us seemed to sleep a wink, she would never let me put her down so I barely managed to butter myself a piece of toast let alone cook a meal and this continued for well over a year before we finally found solid ground.  If Nic hadn't been there to hold this shaky ship together I don't know how we might have managed.

Fast forward a couple of years and my baby is almost two years old.   She talks (oh boy does she talk), she's sweet, gentle, helpful, silly, hilarious and absolutely everything I could ever wish for her to be.  She still prefers to play with one of us rather than on her own, so I still don't have time to write and I'm about to sell off the remainder of my vintage stock.  Dinner is on the table at 6pm most nights and these days I get a lot of help form Ayana.  She's obsessed, and I mean obsessed with knives and cutting!  So it's her job to cut up the easy vegetables and also taste test sauces for me.  She's my little shadow, where I go she goes.  Sometimes we drive each other nuts, sometimes I admit I envy Nic leaving for work in the morning and having non- toddler conversations and I do crave a bit of alone time, but I'm fast realising that these are fleeting years and I don't want to miss them!
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